JELENA-DOKIC.com
February 29, 2004
JELENA CORNER
by Todd Spiker
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HAIR,
HOBBITS & HER ROYAL FAIRNESS
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(or... "This Column
Is What You're Subjected To When Jelena Loses Too
Often")
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"I was there,
but I think I was lacking in confidence a little
bit." -- Jelena, in Dubai
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Suddenly, we need some Rogaine here at the Corner.
You see, that glare coming off your computer screen
isn't a monitor malfunction -- we're all bald now here
at JD.com! Every stinkin' one of us. We're pulling
out our hair at the very prospect that another season
like 2003 could be in the offing (boy, you should see
Pierre -- the "Agassi look" suits him the least of
all).
No one wants to actually utter that potentially
horrific forecast, of course, for fear that allowing
the tennis gods to hear any creeping doubt might
actually cause the worst case scenario to become
reality... well, that, and the prospect of Gerhard
sending out a band of "thugs" to knock some sense into
the offending staff member just to keep them in line.
Hmmm, no hair AND bleeding. Coming soon to a police
blotter near you.
On a selfish Corner note, I know I'd sooner have
real live hobbits (heinous as they are) living in my
closet than have to have this season's weekly column
be the same regular post-mortem that it was for the
majority of last season.
So, the plea goes out the Jelena: The Fair One as
assassin is a wonderful concept, but not when the
backdraft takes out everyone in the general vicinity.
No hard feelings, but you're killing us here. We
don't want to be complete wrecks by the time summer
arrives. So, please, cut it out in Qatar. Pretty
please. You'll feel better, and we'll be able to look
in the mirror again without squinting.
It's time to bunk this funk. It stinks like a
skunk and needs to be locked away in a trunk, then
driven away in a truck. Because if we see another 1st
Round exit everyone's going to go hoarse screaming
f-... well, you know how that goes.
Forget the rattling of chains, the spooky music and
the shadowy figures in (and on) the Corner over the
past few weeks. Just win, Jelena. Just win... for
all our sakes.
(we now return you to our regularly scheduled
programming)
DOHA, QATAR
Qatar Total Open
Tier II; Hardcourt Outdoor
1r: vs. Nicole Pratt
....Well, at least there don't seem to be any of those
pesky Hungarians in sight in Doha (not TOO close,
anyway). Of course, there IS an Aussie awaiting
Jelena in the 1st Round.
Oh, when will the reminders of bad memories ever
cease? Worse yet, the 30-year old (31 this Friday)
Nicole Pratt is just two weeks removed from claiming
her first WTA singles title after fourteen years on
tour.
In her fourth tournament of 2004, Jelena's matchup
with Pratt will either produce her fourth win of the
year, or her fourth loss. (I don't know what the
significance of that is, but this is the "insight" you
get on the Corner when Jelena loses a little too
often.)
IF Jelena can beat Pratt, the 2nd Round would bring
either Jie Zheng (who lost to Pratt last week in Dubai
5-7/5-7) or a qualifier. The QF, again, would likely
have Anastasia Myskina warming up on the opposite side
of the net.
If, if, if... and if "if's" and "but's" were candy
and nuts, JD.com's hair loss situation would be the #2
problem to our expanding guts.
Fat and happy would be preferable a week from now.
======================
THIS WEEK ON TENNISRULZ BACKSPIN:
February WTA Awards
